Celebrity stupidity

I’ll admit, Tracy Anderson has been on my shit list for a while.  I’ve stopped myself from releasing my inner bitch on her several times now, because once my inner bitch comes out, it’s hard to get her to shut up.  But I can hold my tongue no longer.

Tracy Anderson is a celebrity “trainer” and meal planner and general guru to stars like Gwyneth Paltrow, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, and Madonna (although Madge reportedly dumped her recently).  She notoriously came up with the gem of a theory that “no woman should lift more than 3 pounds.” She has always been a subject of ridicule in fitness communities and allegedly a scam artist, too.  But her asininity reached new levels this week with a couple of headlines.

(Before we continue, I must subject you to this video, if you haven’t seen it before.  Remember that this is the chick we’re discussing here.  I dare you to watch this without pissing your pants.)

(Snort.  I am all for workin’ up a sweat by throwing a dance party in my living room, but I don’t need a video to show me how!)

Anyway.  Miz Anderson was in the news this week for feeding baby food to Jennifer Aniston. Via Huffington Post:

“The diet involves eating 14 servings of baby food a day followed by a healthy adult dinner, and Jen has reportedly lost 7 pounds in the past week.”

Well, shit! Why haven’t I boarded this fame train?  I am going to come up with a diet called the cat food diet in which you eat cat food all day followed by a healthy human dinner.  Cheaper than baby food, too!  And no high chair required!

Seriously, this gimmick is older than dirt.  I’m gonna call it the Dullness Diet: these “programs” prescribe that you eat a single food almost exclusively, usually claiming that it’s some sort of superfood and that eating it in large quantities will produce some magical chemical reaction in your gut* that sheds pounds.  This is crap.  What really happens is that you get bored and sick of said food, therefore you eat very very little, and drop a bunch of (water) weight quickly.  Obviously not a great long term solution.

So, okay, that was pretty bad but I initially kept my trap shut.  Because, well, if Jennifer Aniston wants to eat baby food in Hawaii, she’s a grown-ass woman and that’s her bizness.

Then today, I came across this crap-on-a-stick from Gwyneth Paltrow’s oddly-named webstie, GOOP.  (Honestly, this always makes me think of Ben Stiller’s hair gel in There’s Something About Mary.**)  G-Palz is a “business partner” of Anderson’s and is probably her most high-profile client/proponent/shameless-promotion-whore.

In her latest “newsletter,” GP explains how she got in shape for her new movie role using a diet and workout plan provided by the Tracester.  I’m going to quote my favorite part:

“To really get in line, I followed her strict diet for 5 days to lose my extra winter weight. Now, I am not a good dieter and I cannot ever do it for long, only when there is a goal in sight, which there was in this case. This regime got me into the shape of my life and I continue to return to it when I have a specific event so that I can do ridiculous things like be a 37 year old mother of two and wear shorts! An extra special thank you to Tracy for her generosity in providing us with this incredible content free of charge!”

First: The “shape of her life.”  In five effing days.  That must me a pretty pathetic life if you can hit your peak in five days!

Second: There is nothing “ridiculous” about being a 37-year-old mother who wears shorts.  Really.  Way to make thousands of women who have perfectly healthy bodies feel ashamed of themselves.

Third: I don’t owe Tracy Anderson a fart much less a damn thank you for providing this “incredible content free of charge.”  If you go on to read the diet plan that follows, you’ll notice that it’s basically some product placement (some diet bars, a protein powder, some “very low calorie” wraps) nested in a diet plan that cannot possibly add up to more than a thousand calories a day.  And it’s not exactly ground-breaking stuff.  “Put an avocado in a tortilla.”  “Chop some vegetables and eat them for dinner.”  Wow!  Incredible!

Really, the third point is what bothers me most, and what really got under my skin enough to make a whole blog post about this woman.  Aside from endorsing a foolish and dangerous meal plan that is far too low in calories to be safe for anyone, this whole thing is pretty much a slam to the health blogging world.

I mean, there are literally thousands of bloggers out there who produce truly incredible content and share it with the rest of the world for free.  I know I don’t keep a blogroll on here (I should!), but I can easily think of a dozen women who churn out amazing recipes, fitness inspiration and general awesomeness on a daily basis.

Like Cara, who consistently proves that healthy cooking doesn’t have to be bland or boring.

Or Kate, whose dedication to cooking wholesome meals for her family means consistently awesome recipes for her readers.

Or Bree, who exemplifies why women absolutely should lift more than three pounds.

Or Sarah or Megan or Britt who accomplish things in their running shoes that are truly kick-ass and inspirational.

I could go on and on.  And those are just a handful of my “friends” from the tiny corner of the internet where I spend my time.  There are literally thousands of others out there.

(Oh, and P.S.?  All of the gals above are so much smokin’ hotter than Gwynnie.  Being in shape – being strong and fast and nurturing your body with good foods – is sexy.  Dropping ten pounds because all you’re eating is kale juice or baby food?  Not so much.)

And that is what gets me about the publicity that these celebrities get.  The internet is SO full of great information and inspiration – more than any other time in history, people can connect and learn from each other and support each other in working to be happy and healthy.  Yet stupid Tracy Anderson makes up some shit about baby food, or Gwyneth Paltrow blogs about her five-day starvation diet, and it’s all over CNN.  Being famous does not make you smart. Ugh.

It makes me so sad that people will read about Tracy, Jen, and Gwen in US Weekly and rush to the store to buy Gerber or ignore their rumbling tummies or drop their hard-earned money on DVDs that preach about doing bicep curls with Q-Tips.

[Inner bitch replaces her snarl with a truly sad face at this point.  Because truly, it is sad.]

Well, hell.  I feel better now.  The inner bitch needed to come out and say that.  I’m gonna stuff her back inside now.  I’ll be back with a normal daily post later on tonight.

*Some call it diarrhea!

**So freaking classic.  One of the best movie scenes ever.

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17 responses to “Celebrity stupidity

  1. Ha!! I read about that! It was so ridiculous I didn’t read very far. All these Hollywood fad diets are foolish and anyone who thinks they “work” is just as ridiculous. Starving our bodies are not the way to lose weight. Exercising and eating REAL food in moderation is how to lose weight.

  2. Right on! The whole baby food thing is so, so, so dumb. Why eat pureed banana when you can eat an actual banana?

  3. I’m still trying to figure out what she’s doing in the YouTube clip. Puzzling.

    I like your blog: informative, fun and snarky. I love snarky!

  4. I’ve been subscribed to your blog on GR for a while now but I just had to come out of lurkdom and applaud you for this post. I too feel sick that women the world over will believe that those regimes are legitimate. And that video was so freakin’ funny!!! All she did was wave her arms around for 5 minutes! WTF?! Thanks for letting your inner bitch out….I like you inner bitch! 🙂

  5. Ok, I LOVED this, and not just because of the hott video. It’s like, both of us know that Tracey Andershutuperson is full of it, but I keep on hoping celebrities will hold themselves up to higher standards and stop spouting bullshit. Or eating it.

  6. Shelby, I LOVE this post. First of all, that video is just a classic example of white girl dance moves. Not all white girls dance like white girls, but when they do, and put it on YouTube, they should be mocked.

    Second, Jennifer Aniston had seven pounds to lose? From WHERE???? And why are legit news outlets sharing such a BS diet anyway?!?!

    Third, I already cannot stand GP and all her GOOP madness but when I read the thing about being a 37 year old mother and wearing shorts, I just cringed on so many levels. I mean first of all, we all saw her basically pantsless PR tour for the first Iron Man; I don’t think this is a women who can pretend she didn’t feel comfortable in shorts before Tracy Anderson’s latest bullshit regime. And SECOND, um, go to any warm climate in America and marvel at all the women in shorts. With kids. And they don’t eat fucking baby food to justify it.

    And last, you totally nailed it with bloggers giving away GOOD info for free. I hadn’t considered that before but it’s SO TRUE.

    • Hahaha. Yeah, I am not sayin’ my white girl dance moves are any better, but at least I’m not putting them on the internets and pretending that I’m doing people a service with them!

  7. damn, sounds like someone is hating hard

  8. Catching up on google reader, it looks like I missed this post….but omg, are you dead on.

    What kills me about the diet Paltrow is endorsing is…well, a lot of things do. But I checked out the stats on the nutrition powder she’s using and its all insoluble fiber. She uses that before working out.

    Um.

    What does that say right there about 1. how hard she’s working out 2. what she’s actually trying to accomplish?

    If she wasn’t so pretentious and out of touch I might actually feel sorry for her.

  9. I’m way behind, but I just found this entry and think you’re spot on. I’m from Indianapolis (where Tracy swindled people) and just think she’s a nutjob. I think I’m going to stick around and read some more of your stuff though!

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  11. What IS that video? Why would anyone in their right mind want to post such an awful/boring/pointless/embarrassing video? And baby food- that’s just gross. People are always looking for a quick fix… will a celebrity please endorse the impossibility of that?

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