Monster in my kitchen

There is an ongoing standoff in my kitchen.  And it is totally my fault.

That’s Parker, aka Panther, aka Giant Panther or Piggy Panther, aka the 5-year-old feral kitty we rescued a year ago.  He is a beast of a cat that weighs nearly twenty pounds and may be, in the words of our vet, an “emotional eater.”

And I am a bad parent.  I think I am enabling him.

Remember the Week of Shrimp?  Well, apparently Parker loves shrimp.  And is even, one might say, a shrimp fiend.  He attacks the trash can if there are shrimp shells in there, which causes extra trips to the trash chute for me, but I’m okay with that.

During the Week of Shrimp, I decided to give the poor guy a treat and fed him some of the freezer-burned bits that I was going to throw out anyway.  While I was cooking.  This is possibly one of the gravest mistakes I’ve ever made.

Because, now?  Any time I enter the kitchen, Piggy Panther Parker is right there.  He has even taken to napping on the kitchen mat.

(His down-dog is enviable.  I know.)

It doesn’t matter whether it’s 10 AM and I’m refilling my coffee or 3 PM and I’m slicing an apple.  He’s right there, curling around my legs rather obnoxiously, begging for shrimp.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost tripped on him – and even stepped right on him.  He remains undeterred.

Why is this cat so damn smart?  I feed him kitchen scraps ONE TIME and he remembers for two weeks?!  One day out of 365 and his whole lifestyle changes?  Our other cat has trouble finding her food dish if it’s more than two feet from her thick (yet very cute) little skull.

Yet another reason why parenting an actual child scares me.  Because a human kid is probably smarter than this wily black cat.  (Probably?)  And clearly I’ve been outwitted here.

Suggestions on breaking a determined animal of its begging habit?  It’s only a matter of time before I trip over him in the kitchen and fall on my face!

Today’s EAT:  I love bacon.  No secret, right?  But I’m not in the “bacon-goes-with-everything!” camp.  Bacon chocolate?  It’s alright, but honestly, I think the chocolate is better without it.

So here’s a dinner-failure lesson.  Bacon + raspberries?  Doesn’t really work.

I occasionally get comments from people on how my dinners are “always so amazing” or whatever.  Yeah…not always.  The thing about having a blog is that you can post your successes and gloss over your failures.

But tonight, I’ll say: big ass salad with greens, raspberries, parmesan and bacon = FAIL.  Bacon and raspberries just do not go together at all.  And the parm added nothing.  Huge MEH.

In my defense, this was a clean-out-the-fridge salad.  We are headed out of town this weekend and the unused bacon and flat of raspberries needed to be consumed.  They may have been better consumed separately…

Oh well – live and learn, right?

Today’s DRINK: Erryone in blogland is talkin’ bout red Starbucks cups and gingerbread lattes.  Me?  I’m talkin ’bout gingerbread beer.

This Bison Gingerbread Ale, picked up a la carte from Whole Foods, claims to be flavored with ginger, nutmeg and cinnamon.  But the first flavor that hit me when I sipped it was molasses!  And that’s not a bad thing.  This beer is more similar to a porter than a gimmicky gingerbread beer.  But the slight splash of holiday flavors makes it just festive enough.  WIN.

Today’s RUN: I ended up taking the day off.  I was planning to XT, but my right achilles was a little cranky this morning, so I decided to just rest.  I haven’t had a full rest day in a while anyway, so it was good timing.

We are headed to Florida for a wedding tomorrow: looking forward to logging some miles along South Beach!  Any route recommendations in the downtown Miami are welcome!

Today’s QUESTION: If you’re a food/recipe blogger, do you share your failures?  Why or why not? Although no one wants to admit to a flop, I think it’s fun and instructive to share the ideas that don’t work out once in a while! 🙂


28 responses to “Monster in my kitchen

  1. I’m not a food blogger but I do appreciate when people share the flops. Sometimes those are as educational as the successful meals are.

  2. Oh, kitties.

    Tim made this mistake of giving Southpaw the last spoonful of cereal milk every morning, so now every morning she sits on his lap, smacking him with her paw so he’ll eat faster. Once she up-ended a bowl of Cheerios all over our living room!

  3. I would have tossed the raspberries and added more bacon. Yep…

    I’ve posted my fails before. My first attempt at eggplant was a success. The second? YUCK.

    If I decide not to post something I had originally intended to, it’s mostly because it was downright ugly. And no one wants to see that. Like my scrambled eggs? Never pretty. Plus I eat them all the time. I’d rather not bore my readers to death if I can help it… 🙂

  4. You have to make Parker do tricks or put up with torment in exchange for treats. Maddie hasn’t had a treat in a month, but that doesn’t stop her from being hopeful that she’ll be rewarded when I made her dance to the Nutcracker. A cat will put up with a lot if good food is on the line.

  5. This is too funny. Our cats ADORE tofurkey and I swear they can tell the difference between when we open the fridge for tofurkey and when we open if or any other reason, yet the fact that the kitty in the glass in the TV stand won’t come out and play no matter how long they stare hasn’t fazed them one bit.

    And I think cats are smarter than kids.

    And I don’t post much food, so when I do, I think it should be a PSA. Which can be a recommendation or a warning.

  6. Bison Gingerbread Ale. I just want to savor those words because I like all three of them together. I want some. Sounds like the ale made up for the bacon-razz flop? (Most of my concoctions are on the “floppy” side. That’s why I’m not a food blogger of any kind…)

  7. Awe, your kitty is sweet. 🙂 That is hilarious, “emotional eater”. I can understand your kitty’s obsession, shrimp are a life changing food. I would eat them at every meal if I could. 🙂

  8. I post food so infrequently, it would be odd for me to post a cooking disaster, unless it were really funny-looking. Life fails, however, I try to post with zest. Because people like reading about when you are silly…right?

    Our cats have never really gone for table scraps, but they have their own irritating eating habits, like licking all the juice off the wet food and then yowling for more. Or just yowling for no reason.

  9. i am not a cat person.

    there, i said it. so i’ve got no advice for your cat/ child probs. sorry and good luck!

    i’m in the same boat as sarah – it’d be kinda ridiculous for me to post a dinner that sucked if i’m not posting every day. also, i cook a lot of boring but tasty things way too often – mustard sauce fish/chicken with veggies and some type of carb. and i’d like my readers to believe that i’m an unstoppable kitchen warrior. kapow!

  10. A while back we grilled salmon on these cedar planks outside and when we were done just threw the planks into our little chiminea on the deck (we’re pyros and every few months we burn whatever’s in there). So we look outside a few days later and there’s a cat INSIDE the chiminea eating all the burnt salmon chunks still stuck to the cedar. I have a picture of it somewhere…

    PS: I’ve had Bison’s Reunion Red Rye Ale and it was GREAT!

  11. Haha, we have one cat that goes mental for yogurt. Whenever he hears the tell-tale sound of me opening a yogurt, he will stop whatever he’s doing (even sleeping) and run into the kitchen and yowl at me while I eat it. And of course every time, I let him lick the spoon when I’m done. 🙂 I’m also an enabler! The only yogurt he has ever turned his nose up at was the Siggi’s yogurt I tried last week. He meowed like he wanted it, but then just sniffed the spoon and turned away when I offered him some. *shrug*

  12. Gingerbread beer huh? You don’t say. And I enable my cat also, she weaves in and out of my legs everytime I’m making a sandwich and will even get up on her hind legs and paw at me until I feed her. Which I do so she stops getting cat hair all over my pants. Also, when the can opener comes out of the drawer she comes running because she knows it means tuna fish juice. SIgh.

  13. if you feed them they will coooooooooooome. hahah.

    and i’m not a food blogger but i think it’s good to see failures. just because it A) shows that the blogger is human and B) is good to tell us what not to do hahah.

  14. cats can be so smart – I think that’s why they scare me. The delicious taste of the shrimp is probably burned in that little guy’s mind forever. hehe.

    I definitely share cooking and general life failures, for basically the reason you mention – there are always things to be learned from things gone wrong that don’t work out! Now, if I shared all of the stupid things I do the blog would be a little OOC, so I try to keep it to a managable level…

  15. Incidentally, mixed greens + bacon + parm + grapes + shallot vinaigrette was my favorite Cosi make your own salad combo. So close but no cigar.

  16. Parker is adorable! Oh and I love your floors. 🙂

    The kids are the same way when it comes to apples, carrots & yogurt. 🙂

  17. If I didn’t share my cooking failures, I wouldn’t have much of a blog. LOL!

  18. yep, failures are important too! usually i can find some silver lining in a food cloud though 🙂

  19. Leah @ Why Deprive?

    I have no problem posting my failures. They’re fun sometimes. 🙂

    I am so glad your vet called you cat an emotional eater. No one believes me when I say my dog is an emotional eater, but she really is! Now I have proof that it is possible!

  20. Hi! First time commenter here!
    I wanted to comment on a few things..first, your awesome cat. He’s gorgeous! I have a fat cat that loves to eat. He’s 25 pounds and he’s been on a diet for 3 years (he’s 5) Our vet seems to think that he’s missing the “sensor” or “trigger” that tells him he’s full bc he will eat all day long if you let him. I’m so with you about table scraps! We gave him tuna once and now, it’s allll over.

    Two-that beer looks fab.

    Three-yes I share my kitchen failures on my blog. I think they’re just as important as the successes. I find it helpful to know how “not” to do things.

    Have a great time at the wedding!

  21. Please see my recent post on turnip casserole for an epic recipe fail, hehe.

    In other news, shrimps are delicious. I don’t blame your cat 🙂

  22. I’m still trying to figure out how can a cat weight 2olbs. You provide visual evidence, but maybe it’s part dog, some type of mountain lion and rabbit. Just thinking out loud here.

  23. I’ve never heard of the bacon/raspberry combo but I think it sounds good but will take your word for it. I am all for sharing fails because I hope by doing so others will pipe in as to where I went wrong or something else I could try (i.e. your cookie recipe I tried!)

  24. Both of my cats are crazy kitchen stalkers. Every time I walk in they follow me and beg for anything!!

  25. Pingback: Holiday nerd | eat, drink, run

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