How to ruin a tempo run

One: Start preparing for your tempo run the night before. Eat a large amount of bacon for dinner and wash it down with stale white wine. Watch your bedtime come and go – give it a little wave as it passes by! – even though you know you have an early wake-up the next morning.

Two: Consume multiple cups of strong coffee the morning of your tempo run. Consider those multiple trips to the bathroom a warm-up.

Three: Eat a massive lunch. I mean…massive. Because food comas and tempo runs go together like peas and carrots. (Which are two things that definitely should not be included in your lunch.)

Four: Manage your day’s schedule such that you’ll need to do your tempo run about an hour after said lunch.

Five: Choose a route with as many sharp turns and baffling intersections as possible.

Six: Go out and run an easy mile to warm up. Bemoan the state of your belly and wonder if you will end up spewing your partially-digested lunch all over the sidewalk. Pound out a 7:35 mile and then a 7:40. Get stopped by one of those ridiculous intersections about thirty seconds in to the third tempo mile, lose all motivation for physical activity, and jog back home instead. Finish 4 miles in 33 minutes and call it a day.

This was my run last Thursday, shortly after landing in Miami. It was a disaster. Although I guess you could say it set the tone for the rest of the weekend: much revelry, not so much running, and a tragic dance floor injury. But more on that in a bit.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

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13 responses to “How to ruin a tempo run

  1. dance floor injury?! i want details hahahah

    bummer about the bust tempo. i’ll be sure to keep those tips in mind as what not to do for my tempo tmrw πŸ˜‰

    enjoy miami! are you still there?

  2. In some cases, stale wine is better than no wine…

    Tragic dance floor injuries are the reason I don’t wear heels anymore.

    • True story: we went out to a random bar in Miami on Thursday night and I woke up on Friday morning with very dirty soles. Apparently I decided to go barefoot most of the night.

  3. Oh, a tragic dance floor injury?! I’m intrigued!

  4. Was it a fire burning on the dance floor?

  5. Miami is amazing. I want to hear about it! Spent a spring break there, which obviously included lots of (HOT) running and zERO shade!

  6. I can’t wait for your next blog post!

  7. “give it a little wave as it passes by!” — Mahahaha. (Sry, I’m one of those weirdos who repeats funny things immediately after someone says them, just so I can make the moment of joke enjoyment last an extra second).

    A tragic dance floor injury – this oughta be rich! I hope you’re okay?!

  8. dance floor injury? I like the sound of this story…

    I love mocking my bed time. I like to rebel like that. Yet feel like a real ass as soon as I hear the alarm go off.

  9. Ugh, tempo runs. I would almost rather do a speed workout. Love the blog, just came across it!

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