Dear Feline,

Merry bloody Christmas.

I am glad you like it.  Now, can we please discuss the terms of our truce?

I respectfully request that you immediately cease your relentless assault on me.  From the moment I entered this apartment, I have been under siege.  Your appetite for working your needle-like claws in and out of my plushy flesh is apparently insatiable.  Even after you’ve been startled away with loud noises or jets of water, you come back for more.  And frankly, it’s begun to affect my appearance.  My arms have so many holes that I’m starting to look like a heroin addict.

You are slowly destroying me, Feline.  And it hurts.

But now you have your very own piece of upholstery to scratch on, shed fur on, poke holes in, and whatever else it is that you do.  Destroy it if it pleases you.  Just keep your talons away from me.

Get it?  Got it?

Good.

Yours in peace,

The Couch

 

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16 responses to “Dear Feline,

  1. HAHAHAHA!

    You know…my secret weapon is that stupid cardboard scratching board from Target. It’s like $15 and the best purchase I’ve ever made. The kitties LOVE it and scratch it to death. It’s funny because it’s essentially just a cardboard box.

  2. The cat tree is the first thing I assemble upon moving into a new place. Anything to protect ourselves and the furniture is completely worth it. I actually get my cat trees on ebay.com which sells them ridiculously cheap (it is usually like $1 with $80 shipping or $100 with free shipping or some variance in between) and they are very sturdy and have a long life. Plus they are easy to assemble (although sisal rope hurts) and Maddie really really likes the super tall ones where she can lay and look over our apartment as if it is her kingdom.

    Good call on getting one, Shelb. What does Parker think?

    • If this one helps the scratching situation, I might look in to getting one of the super tall ones. Thanks for the rec!

      Parker appears to be afraid of it. He’s such a pussy. 😉

  3. Hahaha! My poor wingback chair is begging me to negotiate a similar truce with the Miniature Feline that assaults it at every chance he gets! Of course, Miniature Feline has no interest whatsoever in the scratchy post I bought him, so I’m not sure what our next plan of attack will be.

    • Some cats have really particular tactile preferences – you could try a sisal post if you have a carpet one, or one of the corrugated cardboard ones that Lisa mentioned above. Try getting one that lays flat on the ground versus vertical, or vice versa. And once you find something that sparks his interest, cover that thing in catnip and give him a treat every time he uses it. Unfortunately with cats, I think the only thing that *really* works to stop them from scratching is to divert them from the banned surface to one they like even better. It can be a frustrating process, though.

      Good luck brokering your truce! Your mini feline is very handsome! 🙂

  4. is that the view from your place?! LOVE IT. hopefully the feline will like it more than your couch

  5. Wow, that’s not how I pictured your apartment! Pretty blue sky vista there… probably lots of nice sun patches for a cat to lay in, too. I love that your race number Christmas tree made an appearance in the couch picture. Speaking of abusive cats, two days ago a cat peed all over my jacket and clothes that I had just washed. Two trips to the laundry in one day, thanks to a bratty territorial cat. I was not pleased. Is your cat pretty good, aside from the occasional couch abuse?

    • Oh, they are great cats. As always, exaggeration makes for a better story. 🙂 In truth, it’s my fault that Emmy (the white one) has a scratching problem. When we adopted her as a kitten, we had these heinous upholstered dining room chairs and she used them as a scratching post. I didn’t stop her because I hated them and wanted an excuse to get rid of them. Now, it’s apparently impossible to retrain her pea-brain to the fact that furniture =/= scratching. But at the end of the day, it’s just a couch. I love her anyway. 🙂

      Sorry about the clothes! Did this happen outside? Is the cat speutered? If it’s an indoor household cat, there are pheromone sprays and diffusers that can help chill him out and reduce his need to spray. Cats marking is so frustrating. Thankfully we don’t have that issue around here!!

      • Indoor female cat — not sure about the spayed-ness, but that’s a really interesting point! It was the cat of the people my roommate and I were housesitting for. They were away for three months, and their two cats (who happen to be mortal enemies) were apparently in complete emotional turmoil over moving back home. Probably didn’t help that there were two foreign people in the house. Goofy cats! They seemed cool aside from the peeing incident, though.

  6. Hope the feline uses her new furniture instead of your couch for scratching!

  7. Totally off topic but I remembered you were asking about workout videosa while back- and last night I finally tried Pure Abs and Arms from Core Fusion (found it recommended on the rachel wilkerson blog) and it was INSANE. It totally kicked my butt (well my arms and abs haha)! And I’ve been doing weights in the gym 1 or 2x a week on a regular basis forever. I could not do everything they tell you to do, and I was like in tears doing what I could. The makers of this dvd have something really good going for them- I don’t know if it’s something different about doing the intense reps or what but it was really hard and I would defi recommend it. I was a bit annoyed because on the description on Amazon it said all you need is a band but it’s not true you need small hand weights for the first workout which I don’t have but I found our scuba weights for our weight belt (little 2lb bean bags) and I used 2 in each hand it worked and kicked my butt with that tiny weight. In the gym I usually use 5 to 10lbs and this was still harder! So just wanted to share this with you 😀

  8. Love hurts. ha ha.
    But now it seems your cat is big pimpin’. Probably the coolest kid in the apartment building with that sweet toy…

  9. Hahaha…love it. I think my parents rug needs to address their cats and claws.

  10. aww, kitties are funny.
    mine currently thinks the christmas tree is her best friend. she grooms it. constantly. and it’s a FAKE tree.
    kitty has a small, small brain.

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