Deforestation poetry

From me to you, a heartwarming Christmas classic.  About, um….aphids.

Twas the week before Christmas and in one corner of the house,
small creatures were stirring –  as small as a louse.

Their eggsacs were hung on the branches with care,
while the mister and missus remained blissfully unaware.

The larvae, they hatched!  And quickly they fled.
But soon met a glass window, and shortly were dead.

Then early one morning there arose a great clatter
as the humans finally noticed the bug corpses all a-scatter.

Off to Home Depot they flew like a flash.
And returned with a pesticide – and a swatter to smash.

“Now die! Begone! We are a-fixin’
to eradicate you!” This they cried, while a-twitchin.

But the bugs, they were tough, and went about their way,
while the humans decried their ineffective bug spray.

Finally one day, they grew weary of the war.
So they tossed that poor pine tree right out the front door.

But they had to admit, the bugs fought a good fight.
So Merry Christmas, little aphids, and to all a good night!

Ugh.  I felt awful pitching my pretty little tree into the dumpster, but I just with bugs and bug bodies all over my living room, no matter how harmless they are.

Am I on Team Fake now?  Right now I’m all “HELL YES” but I’m also really bad about learning lessons.  There’s a decent chance that on December 1, 2011 I’ll be shouting “OMG WE HAVE TO GET A REAL TREE!  THEY SMELL SO GOOD!  WHAT ARE APHIDS?”

Time will tell, I suppose.

Today’s EAT: I finally tried parsnip fries.  Whee!

Verdict?  Texture = excellent.  These are heartier than potatoes and crisped up beautifully.  Flavor = a little weird.  Sweet and spicy, not in a bad way, but rather unexpected.  I just did them with olive oil and salt so I guess I might need to experiment more with complimentary seasonings.  But overall I was very pleased.

Chicken was just pan-seared, then baked (with the fries), then covered in a little reduced apple cider vinegar.  Super simple!

Today’s DRINK: Go Toros!

I will admit that I actually had to google this bottle, because I wasn’t entirely positive about what exactly the “Toro” referred to.  As it turns out, it’s wine from a small region in Spain (very similar to Tempranillo) and not a reference to Bring it On.  Oh well – I’m raising my Spirit Stick to this wine anyway!  For $7, it’s very pleasant, full-bodied but not too dry, with a nice peppery flavor.

Today’s RUN: Does anyone else deal with the thing where an excess of rest days makes it reallllly hard to lace up your shoes again?

I didn’t run Friday, Saturday or Sunday.  It wasn’t entirely planned, but it was a nice break, and I’m totally okay with it, but I definitely had to D-R-A-G my butt out the door tonight.  And even then, I didn’t get very far: just to the treadmill downstairs, where I knocked out five mediocre miles.

Goal for the week: 30-35.  Should be interesting with all of the Christmas travel going on, but hey – needing to get out for a run is a good excuse to escape the holiday madness for an hour, right?

Today’s QUESTION: REAL or FAKE, with respect to: (a) Trees/plants; (b) Sugar/sweetener; (c) Tans; (d) Boobs.  And, go!

My answers?  (a) Real, but I’m rethinking it in the wake of Aphidgate; (b) Real, except in Diet Coke; (c) Fake, although I do rock an awesome (unintentional) running-sock tan in the summer; (d) Real, but I don’t at all judge people who go fake unless it looks ridiculous.


21 responses to “Deforestation poetry

  1. Tree: I go fake now. If I want the piney smell, I’ll get a candle.
    Sugar: I like real. I used to use Splenda, but I’m getting into Sugar in the Raw. (Better? Maybe?)
    Tans: I’ve done fake tanning once. Liked the results without the harmful consequences. Not a fan of getting colored by the sun.
    Boobs: Real all the way.

  2. Tree: real or not at all, although J is firmly in the fake (= easy, won’t die) camp
    Sugar: real and lots of it
    Tans: real, because I’m actually proud of my sock, shorts, and sports bra tans during the summer
    Boobs: real, although that always causes me the lament the nonexistence of mine 🙂

    Also, that is one impressive poem. Good work!

  3. Genius! I think it needs to be a metal song. Cannibal Corpse can do the harmony.

    Also: Oh my god. You just referenced my favorite guilty pleasure movie. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  4. fake, fake, fake, errrrrrrr i really want to say fake so that it can be a clean sweep across the board but i’m going to have to go with real.

    bummer about the tree. but yay for joining team fake 🙂

  5. A) I used to say real, until we experienced the same as you – four years ago. I booked it to K-mart as fast as I could to purchase a Martha Stewart tree (crying the whole time, mind you) – and since then, artificial every year.

    B) Sugar, especially in baking. Sweetener only because I love diet Sun-Drop!

    C) I rock a mean sock/short tan in the summer as well from running, but i go for the fake in all other instances. Tan in a bottle? Spray-on tan? Yes please.

    D) Real.

  6. Real delicious smelling tree! Real sugar! Real boobs! I just burn when I go outside in the sun so fake tan.

    I know what you mean about having a hard time getting my butt out the door after a few days off or like 2 months.

  7. Yuck! I would hvae tossed the tree too – me and creepy crawlies of any kind do not mix. So I’m on team fake as far as trees, but real for everything else! I’ve never tried parsnips – maybe I should? Intrigued. Also, running during the holidays at home are an essential escape plan for me 🙂

  8. Tree/Plants: Fake! I have killed almost every plant I have ever owned. Plus I put up our christmas tree the night before thanksgiving so no way would a real one last until after the 1st of the year!

    Sweetners: real sugar for baking!!! I use splenda in my coffee.

    Tans: I’ve hit the tanning bed a time or two, but I do not make it a habit! And I wear sunscreen when I do. LOL!!

    Boobs: mine are real, but I have seen some fabulous looking boob jobs! I’ve always wanted one because I hate my tiny chest, but I doubt I would ever go through with it!

  9. Oh nooo, so sorry to hear about your tree drama! I gave up on real trees in 2008 after I was still finding pine needles in March…

    I am all for fake christmas trees, real plants, diet coke, running tans, and push-up bras.

  10. Oh, those aphids would’ve grossed me out too; I don’t blame you for coming over to the dark (fake) side. I’ve consumed too much sugar in the past two weeks to even want to LOOK at the word, real or fake. I tend to avoid the sun and wear sunscreen pretty religiously, but still manage to get the most outrageous shorts and sock tans… they’re a badge of honor, right?

  11. (a) Trees/plants: I tend to go fake because I do not have a green thumb.
    (b) Sugar/sweetener: Real sugar for baking; Splenda for coffee/tea
    (c) Tans: I’d love a “real” tan if it was healthy, but Mystic works well for me!(d) Boobs: Real

  12. “…not a reference to Bring it On.” HAHA! “I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team. This is my last resort!”

    It is NOT okay to have bugs in your trees, I’ve never, ever had that problem with a real tree! I’d complain to the tree sellers!

    Sugar-ditto-real except for diet sodas
    Tans-I wear sunblock but won’t complain about a real tan
    Boobs-do your thang, whatever that is!

  13. I’m gonna be boring and say real for all of those! I can’t stand fake tans. People in Oregon do it and it’s like “Dude, it rains 9 months out of the year. We ALL know that’s a fake tan.”

  14. Tree: As in Christmas tree? Don’t do it. Too hard. Too much effort. Don’t care.
    Sugar: Real OMGZ THE HORROR.
    Tans: Real. Don’t need to look like Snooki.
    Boobs: I don’t have any and I’M OK WITH THAT.

    I didn’t know what an aphid is until I read this post. Ew. Ew ew ew ew.

  15. Parsnip fries!??! Awesome idea!

    A) I just don’t have plants since I think fake is silly and real leads to cat vom on the carpet. B) Real stuff except for diet soda when I’m hungover C) real or fake just not orange D) I’m a boobs kinda girl and I want them real!

  16. GO TOROS! (those spirit sticks were exactly like that back when i was in cheerleading, btw. wonder if they have changed since . . .)

    (a) Trees/plants: Real! But I totally would have thrown out my tree in your situation, too.
    (b) Sugar/sweetener: Sugar, definitely
    (c) Tans: Sigh. I enjoy the look of a mild tan but for me it’s really a bad idea.
    (d) Boobs: Real + a flattering bra

  17. (a) Trees/plants-FAKE Christmas Trees, REAL plants
    (b) Sugar/sweetener- REAL!
    (c) Tans-REAL and FAKE!
    (d) Boobs-REAL!

  18. Here’s a question on the tree issue: what percentage of the “greens” have a real tree in their home, apt, etc? I would think killing a tree to sit indoors and then throw out is not the most eco-cool thing in the world. Just sayin’…. (Disclosure: we have one and given the idiotic price we paid, it may be the last)

  19. (a) Trees/plants: real, even though I am awesome at killing plants and should probably choose fake.
    (b) Sugar/sweetener: fake… I love diet coke and splenda in my coffee.
    (c) Tans: Fake is better for your skin, but laying on the beach is a favorite activity of mine…
    (d) Boobs: real!!

  20. And that, my friend, is one of the reasons I only do fake trees. Pair it with a pine-scented candle and MERRY CHRISTMAS!


  21. So, I just read an article about how real trees are actually better for the environment. If that helps at all…
    As for Toro – there are some mighty fine wines from that region! I was in Spain this summer and we had an amazing bottle for around $10 dollars (at a café, no less). Then, we went to a town that was just a little ways away from the Toro region (like an hour) and the waiter wouldn’t recommend Toro wines because they weren’t local.

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