Zero to sicksty

Wednesday night, I went to bed a perfectly healthy human being.  Thursday morning, a mutant zombie flu-monster woke up in my place.

Exhibit A?  The weird lump I discovered on the side of my neck.

Along with a nasty fever, I apparently had a random kidney bean embedded in my neck.  Or, a spider had laid eggs in there which were about to hatch any second.  Or, I had a really, really swollen lymph node.

Feeling totally sorry for myself, I dragged myself out of bed, wrapped up in a blanket, and stood, shivering, in the middle of the living room staring at the wall for about twenty minutes.

Sick.

Yuck.

It had been a long time since I’d been sick.  So long, in fact, that I’d started to get more than a little smug about it.  Like last weekend, when the hubs complained of a scratchy throat, and I cheerily plucked cans of chicken soup from the grocery shelf, congratulating myself on my robust good health and lack of need for such things.  Or last fall when everyone was talking about flu shots and I was all like: HA!  I don’t need a stinking flu shot.  I don’t get the flu.  I AM INVINCIBLE!


Karma’s a bitch, huh?

Eventually, I dragged my clammy ass in to the kitchen and tried to make some food.  Not that we had any cold medicine in the house, but if some were to magically appear, I wouldn’t want to take it on an empty stomach, right?

I managed to assemble my favorite sick-food: a grilled peanut-butter and jelly sandwich.  The key is lots of butter on the outside of the bread:

Butter does a sick body good!

I heated up one of those cans of soup that I bought, too.

Thoroughly spent from the effort, I retreated to the couch and did a fever two-step dance for the next twelve hours.  Step one: OMG I’M FREEZING! I NEED EVERY BLANKET IN THE HOUSE!

Step two: HOLY FARK IT’S A THOUSAND DEGREES IN HERE.

In spite of the constant blanket shuffle, I slept for twenty hours straight.  I seriously just shut down.

And this morning, I felt pretty darn swell.

Aside from some mild sniffles and that freaky lymph-lump in my neck, I do believe I’m back.  And just in time for the weekend.

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26 responses to “Zero to sicksty

  1. Boo! Glad to hear you’re feeling better now though. I almost never get sick and was just bragging about that the next day…..I’m really hoping karma didn’t hear me talking!

  2. I’ve gotten smug, too. Other than a little cold here and there, I haven’t had a super bad sickness since the flu three years ago. I think it’s a pattern. I go a few years and then BAM- can’t even walk straight bc I’m so feverish.
    I’m glad it didn’t last long for you. Way to kick karma’s ass.

  3. Ugh, I used to get deathly ill in college every year. I haven’t for awhile now, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I come down with something. Glad you’re feeling better today.

  4. Dude, I did the SAME THING last year. I bragged about by awesome immune system then got the flu for the first time in 18 years. Motherfuckers.

    But you’re feeling well enough to MS paint and all is right with the world, yes? Yes?

    ok, close enough.

  5. Shelby – I know I haven’t been commenting lately but I wanted you to know that I still LOVE to read your blog everyday. You make me laugh like no one else can and I actually had a dream a few weeks back that I met you in real life! Ha! What a stalker I am! Anyway I’m glad you kicked that sickness in the ass and you’re feeling better! Love the pictures. 🙂

  6. Glad to hear that you’re feeling better. Awesome pictures, btw!

  7. See, but that’s the difference between you and the suckers. This lady I work with (who smokes btw) got sick last winter and she was literally sick for -shit you not- six months.

  8. I bow down to your drawing skills and general creativity. Hope you feel 100% better soon and that nasty lump goes away!

  9. I’m glad you are well enough for MS Paint, I don’t know how I would get through the work day without your blog entertainment 🙂

    Sleep, I think, is key in preventing/making sickness go away. Perfect excuse to laze about in bed and catch up on Netflix!

  10. Love the pics, as always. It seriously is that “pride before a fall” thing going on. I pride myself on my stout immune system as well, and can clearly recall getting debilitatingly sick for exactly one day back in October pretty much the week after I’d been marveling at how long it had been since my last illness. Awesome superwoman picture because I kind of DO believe that getting sick is for sissies, and when I get sick I fight it tooth and nail with every remedy I can find. Having said this, I will probably wake up tomorrow with spanish influenza, dengue fever, and giardia in revenge for my bragging. Glad to hear you’re recovering in time for the weekend.

  11. Had el flu this week as well, haven’t run in 6 days but I had a beer at lunch today…. good decisions?

  12. I am one of those who rarely get sick too!

    @ Marie: I have one of those co-workers too!! He doesn’t smoke, but he definitely needs to exercise more and you do not even want to see what he eats day in a day out at this office.

  13. Hehehe! I jinxed myself a few months ago. Everyone at work was getting sick and I thought, “Thank goodness I’m such a healthy person! It’s been MONTHS since I got sick!” A week later I got the plague everyone else had. Boo.

  14. I hate being sick, it prevents me from using sick days for other reasons.

    I do think the fever only did good things to your MS Paint skillz. Mad props.

  15. The illustrations really help this story ha; you so perfectly captured the blanket-war with fevers. And I have the same irrational spider-bite fear, too.

  16. OH MY GOD

    Your cartoons rock, they made me smile. Which is bad b/c you’re talking about being sick and I’m smiling.

    I’m long overdue for a case of bronchitis, strep, upper respirotory infection, etc. I’ve been sick here and there but nothing major lately. I’m sure once I quit my job, have no insurance, something major will happen.

  17. I’m not going to say a word about my health. That, I believe, would be shooting myself in whatever karmatic foot exists and would guarantee me to get sick. I do not like getting sick. As opposed to those people who ❤ sickness. Glad you are better, even after that exorcism (picture #8, for reference).

  18. Love the drawings. Hope you feel better!

  19. The same thing happened to me in October, the very second I let myself think “Hmm, it’s been two years since I’ve been truly sick.” I then proceeded to get knocked on my ass for a month with a flu/chest infection/sinus infection/allergy flareup (and missed my first half marathon, waah).

    On the upside, this sickness has unleashed a new level of MS Paint genius in you! You need to make and market “Getting Sick is for Suckers” T-shirts. I’ll also take a karma one, too…

  20. I got the flu out of no where this week too! I decided I should only drink screwdrivers this weekend..the benefits of theorange juice could never be canceled out by the vodka right?

  21. Sign me up for the T-shirt, per poster Laura’s suggestion.

  22. I know that two-step well. Inevitably, every blanket ends up in the wash along with all of the pillow cases. And then voilà, all better. Hope it goes away soon!

  23. You’re feeling good enough to use MSPaint I see. lol

    Glad you’re feeling better.

  24. karma kinda looks like a ninja turtle. glad you are feeling better!

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