Wednesday night, I went to bed a perfectly healthy human being. Thursday morning, a mutant zombie flu-monster woke up in my place.
Exhibit A? The weird lump I discovered on the side of my neck.
Along with a nasty fever, I apparently had a random kidney bean embedded in my neck. Or, a spider had laid eggs in there which were about to hatch any second. Or, I had a really, really swollen lymph node.
Feeling totally sorry for myself, I dragged myself out of bed, wrapped up in a blanket, and stood, shivering, in the middle of the living room staring at the wall for about twenty minutes.
It had been a long time since I’d been sick. So long, in fact, that I’d started to get more than a little smug about it. Like last weekend, when the hubs complained of a scratchy throat, and I cheerily plucked cans of chicken soup from the grocery shelf, congratulating myself on my robust good health and lack of need for such things. Or last fall when everyone was talking about flu shots and I was all like: HA! I don’t need a stinking flu shot. I don’t get the flu. I AM INVINCIBLE!
Karma’s a bitch, huh?
Eventually, I dragged my clammy ass in to the kitchen and tried to make some food. Not that we had any cold medicine in the house, but if some were to magically appear, I wouldn’t want to take it on an empty stomach, right?
I managed to assemble my favorite sick-food: a grilled peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. The key is lots of butter on the outside of the bread:
Butter does a sick body good!
I heated up one of those cans of soup that I bought, too.
Thoroughly spent from the effort, I retreated to the couch and did a fever two-step dance for the next twelve hours. Step one: OMG I’M FREEZING! I NEED EVERY BLANKET IN THE HOUSE!
Step two: HOLY FARK IT’S A THOUSAND DEGREES IN HERE.
In spite of the constant blanket shuffle, I slept for twenty hours straight. I seriously just shut down.
And this morning, I felt pretty darn swell.
Aside from some mild sniffles and that freaky lymph-lump in my neck, I do believe I’m back. And just in time for the weekend.