Bad words

Let’s start with an easy quiz.  Which of these things do I NOT want to be doing at 7:00 tomorrow morning?

A) Sleeping
B) Dozing
C) Watching Saved By The Bell and eating Cheerios
D) Sitting in a dentist’s chair


Backing up a sec.  Let me tell you about a recurring dream I have.  In this dream, my teeth disintegrate and/or fall out, one by one, until I am left with empty gums.  (Strange, but actually a pretty common dream theme, as I understand.  So yeah, I’m messed in the head, but so are a lot of other people.)

Because of my slightly uneasy relationship with my teeth, I tend to avoid crunching really hard on things.  I’m a delicate cruncher.  But I guess even the daintiest crunch can lead to disaster.  Meet my new enemy:

Those stupid little candy hearts with the dopey little words on them.  I don’t even really like them.  I mean, on the candy scale, they’re pretty flavorless and chalky and blah.  But for some reason I had a box on hand…and so I sat, munching them mindlessly, as I worked through my afternoon agenda.

At first, I thought I’d gotten a defective piece of candy.

But then, my tongue brushed up against my lower molars and I realized, with horror: OH MY GOD, THERE’S A HOLE THERE.

It became apparent that I had chewed up and swallowed part of a broken filling, along with that grape-flavored sugar.


The sequence of thoughts that ran through my head next was as follows:

2) Shit.  This is going to start to hurt at some point.
3) Shit.  This is going to be really expensive.
4) Shit.  This is totally going to ruin my workout today.

Obviously #1 is paranoia, #2 has yet to come to fruition (thankfully!), and as for #4?  That was just silly. However, #3 will almost certainly come to pass at the conclusion of my emergency visit with the dentist tomorrow morning.  This is alternately depressing and infuriating.  (Because really, I can’t think of anything better than a root canal on which to spend thousands of dollars.  Ugh.)

As for those stupid candy hearts?  Never.  Again.

The morals of this little dental drama?

– The language of love is two-faced.  Don’t trust those amorous little messages.  Bad words, all of them.

– Cheap candy sucks.

– When you make a wish that all your dreams will come true, remember what you’re asking for.

Today’s EAT: Leftover Chicken Marsala on wheat pasta with butter!

Just as good on the second day.  Although it took me forever to eat at half chewing capacity, with only one side of my mouth functioning.  (Because the only thing skeevier than disintegrating teeth is food getting stuck in cavernous holes where teeth used to be.  Shudder.)

Today’s DRINK: There was also wine left over from yesterday’s dinner!

And I needed it.  This Alamos Chardonnay wasn’t particularly impressive – very dry with a weird flowery flavor – but at least it took the edge off of a stressful afternoon.

Today’s RUN: I banged out a quick five miles and then headed to a bootcamp class.  Oh, so many push ups.  I’m not going to be able to lift my arms tomorrow.  But it was kind of fun to be one of the few people in the class doing “real” push-ups!  (Well…until the very end, anyhow.  My knees eventually had to come down.)

Today’s QUESTION: Do you have any strange recurring dreams? In addition to the rotting-teeth dream, I frequently deal with tidal waves as I slumber.  I’m sure there are psychological inferences to be made here, but I prefer to live in ignorance and think that I’m just really wary of big waves.


34 responses to “Bad words

  1. I’m sorry to hear this. But it did make for one of your best posts! Including the chicken marsasa part!


  2. Hahahahahaha. “SURPRISE I’M CEMENT.” I don’t know why that particular comedic timing hit my funnybone so hard, but this is the second time recently that I’ve legitimately choked on my water while reading a running-related blog post or comment section; please stop endangering my life. Good luck at the dentist!

  3. I always have the dream that I am still in college and have to take an exam for a class that I never attended or something along that nature. I also have reoccurring dreams involving plane crashes. Why are reoccurring dreams never happy dreams? Hope the dentist goes well!

  4. Oh my lord. That is a nightmare. I knew those crappy candy hearts were bad news!! I hope you bounce back from the crack with everything intact.

    I had a lot of recurring dreams when I was younger – really, really vivid ones. But now that I’m old and boring, my dreams are forgettable. Kind of sad, but I don’t miss the constant being-chased by a murderer nightmares.

  5. lifeisbeachykeen

    I have the same dream where my teeth fall out; and I also have a bag of candy harts in my car, eek! I’ve made it 3/4 way through the bag (by myself) with no trouble so far.. This is a little gross, but I suck on them first so they are mushy. Maybe because I’m scared to bite down into them. I also avoid really crunch candies because I’m afraid something will happen to my teeth. I have no other recurring dreams, thank goodness.

  6. I have the teeth dream every once in a while (and chalk it up to a stress dream).

    The candy hearts are a serious hazard. The shelf life is what- 50 years?

  7. Ahh sorry about your tooth!! Sounds painful! And jealous of your workout I have 5 miles to do today and I cant imagine doing that plus a bootcamp! Ahh maybe someday

  8. I have the teeth dream sometimes, but even scarier is the bubble gum dream. I’m chewing gum throughout the entire dream and cannot get it out of my mouth. I can’t talk or anything because the gum is stuck in my mouth. I’m weird.

    Good luck with your root canal. I do sedation dentistry, so I never even remember mine.

  9. Good luck with the dentist work, no fun.

    I have this strange thing happen a lot where my mind wakes up before my body… as in, I’m conscious in my mind but my body is still paralyzed (it’s paralyzed during REM apparently). The first time it happened I thought I really was paralyzed forever but now I just lay there thinking “damnit, paralyzed again” and focus on moving something to wake my body up. Ummm I’d love to know if this happens to anyone else?

    • I HAVE HAD THIS BEFORE! Or something like it. My mind will be half awake and I’ll literally half-dream about getting out of bed, to the point where I think I have – but then I realize I’m still laying there and literally cannot move. Every time I try it ends up being one of those half-dreams. So strange.

  10. I’m a teeth dreamer too. I also suffer from crunchy food paranoia. That’s normal, right?

    Chris has a giant bag of frozen M&Ms in our freezer. Last night I kept shoving a giant handful in my mouth each time I passed through the kitchen and each time it occurred to me that I was pressing my luck with that kind of escapade. I’m sorry to hear that you befell the fate that I was afraid of. I hope your trip to the dentist goes well. That really stinks.

  11. I have the same dream too!! I wake up and instantly check to see if all my teeth are still in tact. I wish I knew what caused me to have these dreams over and over again.

  12. That sucks! I have the teeth falling out, chipping, etc. dream A LOT. I always attributed it to the fact that I had braces for 4 years and had a few oral surgeries… My teeth are precious to me!

    I chipped my tooth on a Tropical Twizzler once, and I know someone that had a filling fall out and a tooth chip when they were eating potato chips. So weird.

    Good luck at the dentist, that’s no fun for anyone.

  13. You really have a way of making everything funny 😀 BUT, so sorry about the tooth mishap. Hopefully they just need to re-do the filling and nothing more. Good luck at the dentist!

    Lately it seems like I have parts of my dreams where I’m running and my feet are just like lbricks. I’m running sooo slowly, and whether it’s a race or a workout I just can’t seem to move faster than a crawl. Usually the running part doesn’t last the whole dream, but it’s just really obnoxious. I wonder if this means my subconscious is trying to tell me I think I run too slow? 🙂

  14. the biggest of sad faces. stupid candy! it ruins everything! i hope your tooth fix is less painful and less expensive than you guessed.

  15. I have the same teeth dreams. They are horrible! I also have a recurring home invasion dream which is just downright scary. I chipped my tooth on potato skins one time, who does that? Aren’t they supposed to be soft?

  16. Sorry about your dental problems!
    I have the same recurring dream as Celia: I have to take an exam and I’ve never been to the class. I mentioned it to DH’s grandmother once. She said she has had that dream her entire adult life (she’s 75) so I guess it will haunt me forever!

  17. I almost bought a box of these yesterday but resisted. And now I will have “SURPRISE I’M CEMENT” in my head every time I see them…so I thank you for that, I guess. Unfortunately, its at your own expense which sucks because I’d rather have bad things happen to people who suck. BOO.

    I’ve had the tooth dream a few times, but I rarely dream in general. Meh.

  18. Totally have had that dream before, it’s a freaky one. And I also squirmed and cringed while reading the account of your tooth. Awful. I hate the dentist. Good luck.

  19. OH NO! I always, always have dreams that my teeth are falling out (not rotting, just coming loose, all at once). But this dream might not be so far-fetched, since I had a periodontist consultation yesterday at which they recommended that I get $12,000 worth of work over the next several years, spread out over four separate gum grafting procedures, because apparently I got the shit end of the genetic stick in terms of having sufficient gum tissue. Ummm… maybe when I am not a postdoc? That’s more than my rent for the year!

  20. OMG that sounds awful! The dentist is DEFINITELY my most hated doctor….all the tools and the noises they make…SHUDDER! I’m the girl who had never had a cavity until I hit 25 and then I literally freaked out and cried about it because I was so scared…they even had to bring my husband back to hold my hand. Ha! (It wasn’t nearly as bad as I anticipated.) I hope the root canal isn’t too awful.

    My recurring dream is A) a baseball/softball is flying at my face and about to break my nose/teeth/etc. (I used to play softball) or B) lizards are crawling all over me in bed (I’m deathly afraid of lizards…I know, shut up).

    P.S. I was cracking up at “Surprise! I’m cement!”….hahahaah

  21. I dream about the brakes in my car malfunctioning ALL THE TIME. Yeah, I have anxiety issues.

  22. That is my recurring nightmare, too. I am now somewhat comforted that l am not the only person to have this dream! Good luck at the dentist

  23. You poor girl. 😦

    My recurring nightmares (teeth falling out, being late for class, not finishing a project/homework for class, and buffalo chasing me).

  24. Tornado dreams plague me. Also, I used to have a recurrent dream where I would try to jump rope but I kept tripping over it.

  25. I broke a filling eating a swedish meatball. Still haven’t figured that one out! And I dream a LOT that I’m back in high school….. no clue why.

  26. I have the same teeth dream too. Mine usually involves them being loose and falling out. Gross! Why are those candy hearts so tempting? There are so many other better candies right now but they always suck me in.

  27. saved by the bell and cheerios. that sounds absolutely delightful!

    my dreams are more sporadic than reoccurring, and I have trouble remembering them too. Sorry to hear about your tooth!

  28. oh man I’m so sorry for the $$ you’re going to end up throwing down but your convo hearts are amazeballs. 🙂

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