Let’s start with an easy quiz. Which of these things do I NOT want to be doing at 7:00 tomorrow morning?
C) Watching Saved By The Bell and eating Cheerios
D) Sitting in a dentist’s chair
Backing up a sec. Let me tell you about a recurring dream I have. In this dream, my teeth disintegrate and/or fall out, one by one, until I am left with empty gums. (Strange, but actually a pretty common dream theme, as I understand. So yeah, I’m messed in the head, but so are a lot of other people.)
Because of my slightly uneasy relationship with my teeth, I tend to avoid crunching really hard on things. I’m a delicate cruncher. But I guess even the daintiest crunch can lead to disaster. Meet my new enemy:
Those stupid little candy hearts with the dopey little words on them. I don’t even really like them. I mean, on the candy scale, they’re pretty flavorless and chalky and blah. But for some reason I had a box on hand…and so I sat, munching them mindlessly, as I worked through my afternoon agenda.
At first, I thought I’d gotten a defective piece of candy.
But then, my tongue brushed up against my lower molars and I realized, with horror: OH MY GOD, THERE’S A HOLE THERE.
It became apparent that I had chewed up and swallowed part of a broken filling, along with that grape-flavored sugar.
OH MY GOD.
The sequence of thoughts that ran through my head next was as follows:
1) SHIT. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE DREAM.
2) Shit. This is going to start to hurt at some point.
3) Shit. This is going to be really expensive.
4) Shit. This is totally going to ruin my workout today.
Obviously #1 is paranoia, #2 has yet to come to fruition (thankfully!), and as for #4? That was just silly. However, #3 will almost certainly come to pass at the conclusion of my emergency visit with the dentist tomorrow morning. This is alternately depressing and infuriating. (Because really, I can’t think of anything better than a root canal on which to spend thousands of dollars. Ugh.)
As for those stupid candy hearts? Never. Again.
The morals of this little dental drama?
– The language of love is two-faced. Don’t trust those amorous little messages. Bad words, all of them.
– Cheap candy sucks.
– When you make a wish that all your dreams will come true, remember what you’re asking for.
Today’s EAT: Leftover Chicken Marsala on wheat pasta with butter!
Just as good on the second day. Although it took me forever to eat at half chewing capacity, with only one side of my mouth functioning. (Because the only thing skeevier than disintegrating teeth is food getting stuck in cavernous holes where teeth used to be. Shudder.)
Today’s DRINK: There was also wine left over from yesterday’s dinner!
And I needed it. This Alamos Chardonnay wasn’t particularly impressive – very dry with a weird flowery flavor – but at least it took the edge off of a stressful afternoon.
Today’s RUN: I banged out a quick five miles and then headed to a bootcamp class. Oh, so many push ups. I’m not going to be able to lift my arms tomorrow. But it was kind of fun to be one of the few people in the class doing “real” push-ups! (Well…until the very end, anyhow. My knees eventually had to come down.)
Today’s QUESTION: Do you have any strange recurring dreams? In addition to the rotting-teeth dream, I frequently deal with tidal waves as I slumber. I’m sure there are psychological inferences to be made here, but I prefer to live in ignorance and think that I’m just really wary of big waves.