We’ve all been there. Picture it with me.
You walk in the door after your long run. 7 miles, 17 miles, 37.7 miles, whatever. You did it and it feels awesome. You’re shaky, caked in salt, and possibly a bit delirious, but you know that the only thing standing between you and a big stack of pancakes and a bottomless mimosa is a hot shower.
You strip off your soggy clothes and do a quick check: thighs, chest, feet. No visible wounds. Excellent.
You haul your stiff legs up in to the tub and, as the hot water coats your feet, breathe a sigh of satisfaction. You slowly tip your cranium under the shower head and let the soothing stream of warm water run along your scalp, down the nape of your neck, between your shoulder blades, across the small of your back, down your butt cr – AAAAAAAAAAACKKKK!
And then you suddenly and painfully discover that your ass crack is chafed to high holy hell. Ouch.
And really, why wouldn’t it be? You’ve got two big slabs of flesh right up against one another, moving in opposition with every footfall. Which, over the course of a two hour run, is like three zillion footfalls. Add a little sweat and you’ve definitely got recipe for raw skin.
I feel like many runners are embarrassed about this. People, butt chafing is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean that your ass is too big or that there’s something wrong with it. It just happens sometimes. No big deal.
Anyway. Thankfully, because this is America and there is a market for absolutely anything, there are companies out there making products specifically tailored to the needs of our bulbous bottoms during long runs.
2Toms recently offered to send me some of their Butt Shield to try out. (I’m actually curious about how this came about in their PR department: “Hey, this chick seems like she’d be down with talking about her ass. Let’s target her.”)
But as someone with an often-chafed butt crack (and a slight reluctance to put my only stick of Body Glide where the sun don’t shine), I happily accepted.
The Butt Shield comes in a roll-on canister that very much reminded me of the colorful fruity Avon soaps I used to play with in the bathtub when I was a kid:
Obviously, though, it was colorless. (And not cherry scented, and not sudsy. Whew.)
I’ve used it on my last few long runs and I have to say, it’s done its job! No shower surprises. Nice work there, 2Toms.
My overall impression of the stuff:
PROS: No weird waxy smell, goes on easily, doesn’t pull at hairs and/or skin like a solid wax lubricant. Does its job (prevents chafing, DUH.) Doesn’t have to be used just on your bum – you can put it anywhere you get friction.
CONS: Kind of greasy, which feels a little weird at first, although after a couple of minutes I didn’t notice it. The outside of the container gets a little slippery and messy too.
Also, be prepared for conversations like this:
Aaaaand that’s as far as I’m going to take that one.
So you want to try it? [*cough*that’s-what-he-said*cough]
2Toms also gave me some Butt Shield to share with y’all! Sharing is caring! (Well, not literally. One lucky winner will receive a brand new bottle of Butt Shield. Unless you really want to share mine.)
To enter this giveaway, just do any or all of the following, and leave a comment for each entry:
- Like 2Toms on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/2Toms. (While you’re there, check out the contest they’re doing on their FB page. You can win a whole bunch of free stuff, not just for your ass.)
- Tell me a funny story about chafing, or your ass, or both. Or really, just any funny story about anything at all. It doesn’t even have to be true.
- Hit TEH TWITTERZ: “I want to lube up my butt like @shelbyvanpelt! ZOMG @2Toms Butt Shield giveaway! http://wp.me/pFDEx-R7” (Or, like, whatever else you want to tweet. Just make sure you @ me.)
- Facebook or blog or hire an airplane to write in the sky about this giveaway.
To sweeten the pot, I’ll also throw in a tech tee and whatever other little goodies that I happen to find hanging around the running store where I work. ZOMG, it’ll be a surprise!
Winner will be randomly chosen on Friday, April 8, at 6:22 PM. So get on it, because that’s only a couple of days away! Chop chop!
See ya tomorrow with some delicious baked goods and tales of a tempo run done too damn fast. Nighty-night!
[FTC disclosure thingy: 2Toms gave me a complimentary bottle of this product as well as one to give away, but the opinions here are all my own. Also, that other crap I said I’d include (shirt, random goodies) is all coming out of my pocket, and I’m not exactly rolling in cash these days, so please make it worth my while and enter the damn giveaway. KTHXBAI.]