Bread winner – sort of

When selecting a recipe for something that’s brand new to you and rather intimidating, look for one that meets the following criteria:

• Contains one or more ingredients that you don’t have
• Requires at least one piece of equipment that you don’t own
• References steps that you must google to understand
• Contains vague directions that leave canyon-like interpretation gaps

Or…don’t.  Yeah.  I decided to make bread for the first time this afternoon. Real bread, rising bread.

And instead of using any number of easy, beginner-friendly recipes I had at my disposal (many of which were provided by you – thank you!  They will be used!) I came up with the brilliant idea of planning my yeasty adventure around using up a half-gallon of buttermilk that was slowly dying in the fridge.

Hence: this rather vexing little piece from Allrecipes.   Let’s count the reasons why I should have skipped it in favor of something more beginner-friendly:

• I had no “bread flour”
• I own no stand mixer, much less a bread hook
• I didn’t know what “proofing yeast” meant until I googled it
• I had no idea how long bread is supposed to take to rise, and just saying “until it doubles” isn’t all that helpful, Allrecipes

So at least I went into the project with low expectations.  Lacking bread flour, I used half all-purpose and half whole wheat.  Lacking a bread hook, I made what I imagined were hook-like motions with my wooden spoon until my forearm was about to snap.  And lacking any frame of reference for a proper rise, I guessed.

If nothing else, I figured the kneading part would be fun and therapeutic.  Today was kind of a crappy day.

And it was.  Ahh.  Take that, dough.  I’m going to strangle you.

As I said, the rising part was a guess.  Does that look doubled?  It sat in a warm place for over an hour.

Whatever, close enough.  Time for a doughy throat-punch.

Blam – right in the gut! That felt good, too.

More theoretical rising.  (Another hour.  Jesus, bread.)   And then some baking.

And in the end?  A little on the short side.

But as a runt myself, how can I judge that?  It’s tasty enough, and I’ll call it a mild success for my first attempt at bread making.

Next time, I’ll try one of those beginner-bread-maker recipes.

Today’s EAT: By the time the damn bread was done, all I had energy to put together was a salad.  A standard Big-Ass Salad:

Arugula, chicken sausage, goat cheese, pine nuts, dried cherries, oil-n-balsamic, and of course a few slices of the shorty bread.  (Which is actually really delicious, in spite of its unimpressive stature.)

Today’s DRINK: Zexy zebra bottle…well hello.

Honestly, this La Granja Tempranillo is probably one of the best $5 bottles I’ve had.   Velvety smooth.  Decently complex.  Not too dry.  Full-flavored with lots of berries, but not juicy like many uber-cheap reds.  I will definitely stock up on this on my next TJ’s run.

Today’s RUN: Rest day.  It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Today’s QUESTION: How do you unwind after a crappy day? I highly recommend bread making.  Even if the end result is mediocre, the kneading and punching along the way are a wonderful outlet for anger!